End of life is not just about the patient, in order for the journey to be peaceful it requires the family and loved ones to take an active role in the process.
In today’s society with so much fear and anxiety attached to the dying, it is not uncommon for people to spend most of their time trying to protect one another from the inevitable. When this happens an opportunity is missed to say what you really feel.
I have had numerous experiences when I have been asked not to tell someone they were on hospice, and then have the person on hospice ask me not to tell the family they are dying.
In my experience people want to talk about their end of life, they will often send subtle clues to family members and loved ones in an attempt to open up a dialogue. It is up to the family to be ready to listen and support the person when this happens.
We can achieve this goal by listening with an open heart and having honest and loving conversations about the end of life with family members and friends before there is a crisis. This discussion goes beyond estate planning and wills (although these are import topics as well). Facilitating a life review is a good start, ask people to share their life stories, successes, best day of their life, and even failures.
It is also important to ask the individual what will bring them comfort at their end of life with regards to interventions to prolong life, comfort measures, music requests, and who will be there at the bedside. Giving patients autonomy and control is a key element in a peaceful end of life journey.
Remember to say I love you, thank you, forgive me, I forgive you, and I will miss you.
We only get one chance at end of life, the objective is to make it a peaceful dignified experience.
Judith Arasi - End of Life Doula 